Laughter is the Best Medicine

Millie, my three year old daughter, had found a candy bar and was covered with chocolate when she woke me one morning. "Are you eating chocolate at this hour?" I asked her.
"No, Dad," she replied. "I'm just making the edges smaller with my teeth." - CHRIS DEVRIES
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A woman had a dream. God appeared to her and said, "I'm going to grant you another 40 years, 8 months and 22 days of life." Well, she woke up and she was too excited. And she thought, If that's going to happen, I'm going to get a little bit of work done.
So if you could nip it or tuck it, push it or pull it, she had it done. And, man, she was looking too good. So she decided she was going to take herself out for a night on the town. She was downtown walking across the street and a car ran a red light.
Bam! Hit her and killed her dead.
She woke up in heaven and said, "Now, God, I don't understand this. You said you were going to grant me another 40 years, 8 months and 22 days of life, and here I am standing before you. What's up with that?"
God looked at her and said, "I didn't recognise you." - TERRI ARNETT