Hating my Self, Tearing up to pieces cause of my weakness...

Everytime this happens, i wish i didn't have any feelings or emotions. Or i was just a stone wall.
I never want to hurt anyone, i just wish i could express my feelings...shit. Its so bloody hard when she i so far away.
And I am to blame for not having the best self-control, which has landed me in shit now.
Blame me again for keeping to myself when i should have talked to someone.
Now i am the thorn of two roses.
And i just ruined one.

@#*^%_*^

My heart is in a million pieces, broken by my own bloody destructive indecisiveness.

If she was here, it'd change everything. Everything.
*tears*
Sorry is not going to be enough to change things, or repair them.
Im really lost.
Thats it.
Im an asshole and i know it. now leave me alone. thanks.